i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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