At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
That accounts for only three of the penises
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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