The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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