ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
