WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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