I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We were destined to go to rehab together
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Randomize
