I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
