Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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