im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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