I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
