Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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