im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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