I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
