just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
