Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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