Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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