she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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