Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
