i permit you to call me
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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