The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Randomize
