Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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