Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize