kristin has been a bad kristin
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
