Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize
