Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
