mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Farmville is her only friend.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
