I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
