I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
