ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
