when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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