Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
