I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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