Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
