Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
