I CAN MOONWALK!
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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