Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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