Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I need to calm my uterus...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
