bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
