i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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