Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
