So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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