If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
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