thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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