bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
