I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
