New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
