Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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