Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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