Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
