Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
