i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You ruined the universe
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
