yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
