taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
