and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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